英语幽默小故事

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He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著

性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟

能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

Jim’s History Examination

Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?

Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him

things that happened before the poor boy was born.

吉姆的历史考试

舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？

母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个

可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

Magic change

神奇变化

Gaga is a little duck. He is small, dirty and ugly. His friends don’t like to play with him.

One day, Gaga walked behind his friends quietly(静悄悄地).But his friends did not want him. Gaga was very sad and ran to the river and cried loudly(大声地)。

Just then, a big beautiful bird heard(听见)him crying and flew down(飞下来，落下来). She said, “Please don’t cry. Tell me, what do you want? I can help you.”

Gaga told the truth(真相). The beautiful bird said, “OK, I can help you to become a good-looking duck.” Then she took out a blanket and put it on the duck’s body. She said something which the little duck didn’t understand. Then she took away the blanket. There stood (站立)a good-looking duck.

Gaga was very happy. He thanked the big bird and quickly went to play with his friends

2分钟英语小故事

The Dog And The Shadow 狗和它的影子

A DOG, crossing a bridge over a stream with a piece of flesh in his mouth, saw his own shadow in the water, and took it for that of another Dog, with a piece of meat double his own in size. He therefore let go his own, and fiercely attacked the other Dog, to get his larger piece from him. He thus lost both: that which he grasped at in the water, because it was a shadow; and his own, because the stream swept it away.

一条狗嘴里叼块肉,来到一座桥上.它看见水里有自己的影子, 以为是另一条嘴里也叼着一块比自己那块肉大一倍的狗.它忙丢下自己嘴里的那块肉,猛力地攻击水里的狗.试图去抢它的肉.结果,它两块肉都得不到. 因为那只是一个影子,它自己的影子而已.真正的肉也被水冲走了.

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once upon a time a fox found a bunch of ripe grape in a tree.It was very happy at first,and tried to get it.After trying for several times,it found it's difficult to get the grape.It gave up at last. To console itself, it thought the grape must be sour. （54 words)

从前有一个狐狸，看到树上有一串葡萄。它开始感到很高兴，尽量想得到这串葡萄。试了几次后，它才知道要得到这串葡萄是很难的。最后它只好放弃。为了自我安慰，它想这串葡萄一定是酸的。

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参考资料的网址是百度文库里的一篇《幼儿英语小故事》，希望对你有帮助。

我要非常简单的英语小故事。适合现在一年级的小朋友的。

一

A man in the fishing by the river, he caught much fish, but every catch fish with a ruler. As long as the big fish than the feet, he threw back into the river.

Bystanders who saw don't understand ground to ask: "other people all want to catch fish, you why fish are thrown back into the river will?"

This man in no hurry to say: "because of my only feet wide, this pot is too big for the fish."

Don't let boundless desires grab yourself, "good enough" is also very good attitude towards life. When people eat in the cafeteria, had the courage of swallowing, it was a horrible sight.

Take yourself enough, not greed, it is also an important practices.

二

One hot summer day a fox was walking through an orchard. He stopped before a bunch of grapes. They were ripe and juicy.

"I'm just feeling thirsty," he thought. So he backed up a few paces, got a running start, jumped up, but could not reach the grapes.

He walked back. One, two, three, he jumped up again, but still, he missed the grapes.

The fox tried again and again, but never succeeded. At last he decided to give it up.

He walked away with his nose in the air, and said“I am sure they are sour.”

●一个炎热的夏日，狐狸走过一个果园，他停在一大串熟透而多汁的葡萄前。

●狐狸想：“我正口渴呢。”于是他后退了几步，向前一冲，跳起来，却无法够到葡萄。

●狐狸后退又试。一次，两次，三次，但是都没有得到葡萄。

●狐狸试了一次又一次，都没有成功。最后，他决定放弃，他昂起头,边走边说：“葡萄还没有成熟，我敢肯定它是酸的。”

Guess Who I Am　

I am black and white.

I give milk.

Guess who I am.

It’s me, the cow!

I have a red comb.

I lay eggs.

Guess who I am.

It’s me, the hen!

I eat hay.

I can run very fast.

Guess who I am.

It’s me, the horse!

I have a curly tail.

I like mud.

Guess who I am.

It’s me, the pig!

I bury bones.

I chase cats.

Guess who I am.

It’s me, the dog!

I give wool.

I say “baa.”

Guess who I am.

It’s me, the sheep!

I have horns.

I eat anything.

Guess who I am.

It’s me, the billy goat!

I feed everyone in the farm.

Guess who I am.

It’s me, the farmer!

We are all members of this farm family.

猜猜我是谁

我是黑白色的。

我供给牛奶。

猜猜我是谁。

是我，奶牛！

我有一个红色的鸡冠。

我孵蛋。

猜猜我是谁。

是我，母鸡！

我吃干草。

我能跑得非常快。

猜猜我是谁。

是我，马儿！

我有一条卷曲的尾巴。

我喜欢泥巴。

猜猜我是谁。

是我，猪！

我埋骨头。

我追逐猫。

猜猜我是谁。

是我，狗！

我供给羊毛。

我咩咩叫。

猜猜我是谁。

是我，绵羊！

我有角。

我吃任何东西。

猜猜我是谁。

是我，雄山羊！

我饲养农场里面的每一个（动物）。

猜猜我是谁。

是我，农夫！

我们是农家的所有成员。

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